kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
