she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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