some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
