my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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