If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
