told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
