so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
