Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
