you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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