i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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