remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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