Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Randomize
