there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
