Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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