YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
