wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
