I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
