someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
