watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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