Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
