I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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