I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And then he peed in my hair
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
