I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I believe in your delicious
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
