I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
