Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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