my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
