He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
