Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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