Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
