The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
