I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
