im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
