my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
