I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Fuck appropriateness.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
