What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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