my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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