I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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