Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
