Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
