Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
