I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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