so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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