I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
