i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
