Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
