seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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