in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Alive.
So much puke
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
