I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
