I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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