She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
